How to Keep the Conversation Going
Do you often find yourself in that awkward silence moments? Well, you're not the only one, for sure! Conversational skills are something that also needs to be practiced in real-time with real people. You surely don't want to get stuck in the place when you should be the one to lead the conversation with the girl. Of course, later on, if you've done everything well, she will be the one asking the most questions. But the tough part is getting there first. It's not the fastest process, but after reading this article, you can swiftly try to implement some of those in your next conversation. It doesn't have to be a female necessarily. Just get out there, and have some fun. Your social skills are something that the potential partner will look for as one of those quality traits, for sure!
Let's start with the most obvious thing. You actually need to listen to the other person talking. It's very likely that we sometimes get caught in our own thoughts while the other person is trying to tell us something. We try to come up with some sort of follow-up question or a story of our own, but for some reason, it doesn't really fit the subject and the things that have been previously said. We just try to improvise this part because we want to avoid that awkward silence which happens after they finish their talking and we remain kinda stuck with nothing to say. It feels really weird sometimes. Although, it's not that big of a problem. While you are technically there, listening to them, it is in fact that you're going through your own head trying to come up with a good answer. And then, most of the time, you will tend to interrupt the other person to tell them your brilliant reply. And this is definitely not good for you. What you really need to do is actually carefully listen to what the other person is telling you and get out of your head. If you start to go away again, snap out of it as soon as possible. When it becomes your turn to speak again, you can have a short pause, let's say 10-20 seconds. That is okay because you need time to formulate your replies. It's not actually awkward at all. Some can even understand that as a compliment because it shows that you were actually carefully listening to them talking.
Give longer answers than usually
Do you find yourself often responding with a few words, or just a "yes" or "no"? Well, even if the other person is the best conversationalist, it will be very hard for them to keep up when all you're giving them is short, formal answers. Well, you see, this is never going to work in your favor. It leaves the impression that you are lacking interest in the conversation, or even in that person. If that is the case, you're better off staring at your phone if you are not listening to them already. Of course, don't do that. It's very disrespectful. What you should do instead is respond with a few sentences. If they asked you what your favorite movie was, or what are your hobbies, try to get better with your answers than just responding directly to the question and nothing else. Add the reason behind your answer, as if they were to ask you "Why?" right after you answered. This way is much better, but you're also allowing this person to feel free to understand you better. And when they see that you want them to know things about you, they/she will be much more open and interested in knowing you, and you won't have to lead the conversation yourself.
Did you ever felt like your conversation with somebody has turned into the interview or awkward back-and-forth questioning? Well, it is nice to get to know somebody better, but throwing question after question at them, especially if those are a bit more personal kind of questions will quickly turn into an unpleasant situation. It often can look like the police is interrogating you because you've done something bad. And you don't want the other side to feel that way. What you should do instead is actually ask questions in a statement way. For example, the girl is telling you a story about how she went on a vacation with a girlfriend of hers. And by her tone and body language, it seems like she had a good time. Instead of asking her if she liked it, you can say "It looks like you liked it a lot." See what we did there? It's a subtle, almost non-noticeable difference, but it actually makes a world of difference. Or you can also say that you've never been to that place. This will keep her busy talking, and that's exactly what you want to do. However, when making that statements, don't interrupt her. But do it when her thought is coming to an end. What's so good about this is that it will make her feel understood and she will get the impression that you are connecting really good. Even if you don't guess correctly, she will probably just correct you and move along with the storytelling.
Get interested in her opinions
Who doesn't love to be asked their opinion on things? It shows respect and interest. It doesn't even have to be some serious question. As long as they hear the sound of their name in addition to something of your importance. You can also tell a story of your own, and then ask her for her opinion on that. It may seem like a small thing, but indeed, it isn't. Or showing something on your phone and asking about that. But don't bother and get too complicated. You want to keep the conversation light until you get to know her better and have better insight into what she likes to discuss. And if it is a common thing, it gets even better!
Use her name more frequently
As we mentioned, almost everybody likes when you call them by their name. Well, unless you know them for a long time and they have the nickname that they prefer to be called by. This is always very useful for both sides; she will feel more comfortable around you, as calling people by their name suggests that you give importance to their presence. It also encourages them to express their opinions. And the other thing is that this way is less likely that you will forget her name in case you don't see each other for some time. Of course, don't use it in literally every sentence, but throw it in there periodically. It is also a small thing that adds up over time.
Eye contact and body language
We had many articles on these subjects before. It's simply how humans form connections. And it is needed in order to make your words have value and be more convincing. And it has many other purposes. You can see people's feedback in their eyes while you talk to them. The amount of eye contact shows the level of interest in another person as well. Basically, every interaction has a certain level of intimacy. And it depends on how well you know other people, how close both physically and emotionally you are to them, the subject of conversation potentially involving some personal things and so on. The eye contact is one of the ways to stay within the borders of intimacy that you're comfortable with. This also involves smiling and the openness of body position. Also, if you're trying to explain something, the hand gesture is also important. Keep those in mind for your further encounters. Also, it is important that you keep track of how the other side is responding to your eye contact.
Don't focus too much on the outcome
This is also really important, as your mental state will always affect the conversation. If you're just focused on the straight goal, like you have to succeed in something, you will probably get tense after some time. And it will also make our thought process much better, as you won't be bothered if you've said something that doesn't appear good. There is no need to occupy your thoughts with overanalyzing those things, as you might tend to get a bit pushy, unconsciously. And nobody likes to be forced, even if that is not so obvious. Relax and let go, after all, you want to have fun and enjoy the conversation, and the other person should feel that way as well. And it won't be the last time that you see this girl, so you don't have to do everything immediately. We've seen many cases where guys just get too stuck in their script, and they get caught off-guard. The girls will notice this most of the time. And they will think that you're underestimating them by trying to get along with some schemes.
Timing is crucial
This is one of the most important things that people fail to understand sometimes. Not everybody is open to talking and interacting all the time. And especially females. They might have those days of the month, or they are just nervous. Or they have been approached by the same few guys in the last hour. The moment that you choose to start the conversation is of extreme importance. And the subject as well. Don't be too complicated if the other person doesn't encourage that. They might be out to laugh and have a good time, but not necessarily discuss the meaning of life and that kind of thing. And also, the conversation is a multi-player activity. So, if the other person is not interested at the moment, it's probably not just that they don't want to talk to you. It is not so simple to determine this, but don't rush things unless it becomes natural for both sides. Let them have their own time and space. They will respect you and they will give you your time and space when you need it.
Right now, some of you are probably banging your heads thinking that all these techniques are too complicated, and that they should be practiced as much as possible. The truth is, you don't want to obsessively keep yourself in check and think that this will prevent you from making mistakes. And indeed, it is completely opposite. You should never force yourself to do that. Instead, you want to keep them somewhere in your mind, and it will eventually become automatic after some time, as you now know about them. And that is exactly the purpose of these techniques! You can actually write them down on a piece of paper just to remind yourself once a day. But don't force yourself to learn them. They need to be implemented slowly and patiently. And then you watch your social skills skyrocket! It will also make you more attractive in the eyes of other people without you even noticing it!