Dating

A Gentleman’s tips on dating women, off the screen

When we talk about dating in 2023, we talk about swiping right and finding matches. We talk about the conversations we have on social media before we actually go out with a woman. Until we meet her, we have spoken enough to break the ice. Since the initial conversations happen over texts and phones, it’s a lot easier. Nobody knows how nervous the other person is.

There’s something about dating in the open that can never be replaced. Where the guy goes out and finds someone he feels attracted to, gives her the eye, makes her smile and tries some cheesy pickup lines (Don’t do that, ever!). It’s the old way of dating and true to the phrase, it's gold. Sure, initially, it would be awkward for the guy. He would say something stupid and make a mess of himself in front of her but it’s part of the fun. How bad could it really be? The worst that could happen is that girl would say no but there are more fishes in the sea! We can find someone who wants to be with us if only we don’t fret over someone who doesn’t.

So today, let us give some solid advice on how to go about dating like a gentleman, a true gentleman. These tips aren’t anything new. They have been in the tribe for years, passed down from a generation of gentlemen to the next. But it is being forgotten, being ignored in these times. Those who don’t try these don’t know the fun in them. So, without wasting time with small talk (a gentleman never wastes time), let’s go through this quickly and if you get them right and plan to try them this weekend, by all means, do. We seriously need some men among all the boys out there.

Before you go on a hunt

We know it sounds superficial but we are as good as we look. So, a man needs to groom before he goes out there for the hunt. It doesn’t have to be a visit to a salon or a makeover. Just dressing right, taking care of the hair and facial hair, adding a little cologne is a good way to go. No need to use a deodorant, a decent perfume is enough. We’re gentleman.

Find a Wingman

The overuse of the term wingman has reduced the meaning of it entirely. A wingman isn’t just a friend a man tags along on the hunt. He should be someone who knows the rules of the game and someone you can trust with your life. The last thing you want from a hunting night is losing your date to your wingman. It’s stupid and can be avoided. Take someone we would call a brother without missing a beat, who appreciates you just as much as you appreciate them.

Go to a vibrant yet simple place

A gentleman prefers clubs instead of pubs. Even better to opt for a jazz bar if he likes jazz. If not, that’s okay too. Prefer a less contained place, that’s a place for a gentleman. Search for such places or ask about them. They should have the proper ambiance to lit the spark of romance. See if they serve dinner too.

During the hunt

Search a cozy place for ourselves and sit there. Don’t stare at the girls and sit at a place comfortably. Never look around too soon, it makes you look desperate and turns off a lot of them. Keep calm and sit down. Meanwhile, order some drinks.

Ask your wingman to scan the place

Now, your wingman is there to get you a date, so he can look around and find someone for you. This is also a good reason for choosing the right wingman. He knows your taste. He looks around and gives you a brief on what girls are where and how many of them are alone or with groups. Suggest him to concentrate on women who are alone, what they are doing, the drink they are having. Women who are alone are easier to work your charm on. When they think we are cute, there’s no one around to tell them otherwise (women do that sometimes).

When someone interested in you

If a woman is interested in you, she would be looking your way. Your wingman tells you that and points out the direction she is in (not pointing out to her physically, something like two o’clock as a signal). When you find that, turn towards her, slowly. Don’t let her think you are desperate. Make your move slowly and give her the eye. Hold her gaze for a few seconds and smile. If she does the same, she is interested but only when she looks downwards or into her glass if she is drinking. If she looks sideways, move on. She didn’t get what she expected.

When nobody is interested in you

Don’t be upset. Sometimes people don’t observe their surroundings, they are too busy looking into their phones. Ask your wingman for a suggestion, and look in her direction. Take a while to think if you should try her, asses the situation (no pun intended) and know if she seems open for some conversation. If she responded positively should proceed further.

Approach her

Go to her and offer her a drink. Ask her nicely, don’t push a decision on her. Make her feel that you are glad to offer her a drink, only if she is pleased. Or ask her if she would like a drink and offer her one. Women like it when they are given an opportunity to say no and it’s actually decent and much respectful. If she agrees, do it. If she denies but keeps holding your gaze, make her smile. Compliment her or the ambiance of the place. Try to make her laugh. If she is engaging in the conversation, keep going and if she isn't, get going. If she doesn’t want us around. Respect her space.

Make strong eye contact

Nothing beats the eye contact. It makes you look stronger, more confident and does wonders when we are trying to make them attracted towards us. Strong eye contact will take you places. Don’t get your eyes off hers and avoid staring at her lips directly. Throw a subtle glance at them now and then to give her the signs but only if the conversation is going good.

Look at her body language

If her body language is more open and if her feet are pointed towards you she is interested. If her arms are open and she holds your eyes and doesn’t look lost, half the battle’s won. Now, go on for some time.

Ask her out

Tell her if she would like to go someplace else. Ask her if she is hungry and would like to go someplace to eat. If she agrees, take her and if she doesn't respect her choice. Ask her number and ask her nicely. Take it and ask her if she would be interested in going out some other time. Exchange goodbyes and go. Before getting out of sight, turn to her once, look at her until she notices, then leave.

During a Date

You have impressed her and have spoken on the phone and finally asked her out. She agreed and now you are going on a date with her. Ask her what place she likes, enquire about it and make reservations. Be there on time or even better, a little early. Don’t be late, ever.

Be Chivalrous

Most of the guys think that feminism has killed chivalry but that is not true. Women still appreciate chivalry in men. Just don’t overdo it. That said, do open doors for her and do pull her chair. Look at her with love with some hint of modesty. Just like Jordan Baker said, “he looked at her the way all women want to be looked at”.

Let her order

Ask her what she would like and let her order first. Only after she’s done, you order. If you know the best dish the restaurant serves, suggest it but never insist. She might like what she ordered.

Listen to her

When she is talking, listen to her attentively and nod if you agree with her. Don’t interrupt her and answer only when she asks. Don’t talk about yourselves. If you make her talk about herself she would feel good and you would be shrouded in mystery which is always good. Talk only when required and quickly ask a question to make her the topic of discussion again.

Don’t rush getting into bed with her

When you are done, don’t rush things just because we want to get into bed with her. Let her take her time. Ask her where she would like to go next. She may directly tell you to come to her place or ask you if your place would be okay. When you have decided on the place, go and have fun and if possible stay the night and until breakfast (it would be better if you make her breakfast but that’s your call)

If she wants to go somewhere else

If she says she wants to go someplace, she isn’t ready. Take her to a place that you know would make her feel happy; someplace that can give anyone a rush in excitement. Something like a great movie or a nice getaway somewhere we are frequent. She would feel elevated by the experience and associate that feeling with being with you. Even if you don’t end up in bed together, you'd definitely get a second date.

Call her the next day

If you don’t call the next day, she would believe that all you wanted was sex. So, call her and tell her how great a time you had with her and how you would like to do it again sometime. She would say yes and you might just get lucky the second time around. Make her happy with what you do and you would find the happiness only a happy woman can give you.

These tips have always worked and always will but if you like online dating, go with it. There are no hard and fast rules in dating as long as you like what you are doing, having a little fun and meeting great people along the way. Nothing needs to be complicated but knowing these tips would help make informed decisions when you meet someone who actually likes gentlemen. No matter what you choose to be and how you want to approach the dating game, never cross consent. Don’t force yourselves on a woman, it's not cool. If you think it makes you feel like a man, you are half a man. Never do it if she said no. She has a right to consent and you have a duty to accept that decision. Nothing is uglier than a man chasing a woman who isn’t interested in him.

With all that said, have fun all the way. Dating could be fun when you do it right and don’t forget to use protection because the last thing you want to do is impregnate a woman you didn’t want to see again. It would make things for both of you complicated and end up hurting her and making her guilty which isn’t good. One last thing, sometimes messing around would make you meet someone you actually find really attracted to and want to spend some quality time with. It would make things sentimental and only sometimes turn out to be something close to love but if you are lucky enough to have found it, don’t let her go because we can only mess around for so long.